AMA 40 – The Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman

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AMA 40 – The Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman

Whether it’s your spouse, significant other, family, friends, or even business associates, each individual speaks his or her own love language. “The Five Love Languages” are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Understanding which of these languages makes that special someone feel loved can be essential to the success of any relationship. Join Jason Hartman and renowned author, Dr. Gary Chapman as they discuss these timeless concepts and how our primary language affects our interactions in our relationships. Please visit:

Dr. Gary Chapman seeks to fulfill his call to the ministry as a casino online pastor, speaker, and author. He speaks extensively throughout the U.S. and internationally on marriage, family, and relationships. The government of Singapore invited him to present his marriage seminar there and the Chaplain’s Office of NATO issued a special invitation for Dr. Chapman to speak to the NATO forces in Germany. Other engagements have taken him to England, Africa, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Mexico and Hong Kong. Sales exceeding 5 million copies earned him the Platinum Book Award from the Evangelical Publishers Association for The Five Love Languages, which has been translated into over thirty-six languages. Twenty-seven other books and five video series are also among his publications.

Narrator: Welcome to the American Monetary Association’s podcast. Where we explore how monetary policy impacts the real lives of real people, and the action steps necessary to preserve wealth and enhance one’s lifestyle.

Jason Hartman: Welcome to today’s show. This is Jason Hartman, your host and as you may or may not know, every tenth show we kind of do a special tradition here that originated with my Creating Wealth show where we do a topic that is actually off topic on purpose. Something just to do with general life and more successful living, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do today with our special guest. Again, tenth show is off topic and it is very much intentional just for personal enrichment, and I hope you enjoy today’s show. We will be back with our guest in just a moment.

Start of Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman

Jason Hartman: It’s my pleasure to welcome Dr. Gary Chapman to the show. He is a very well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. His very famous work, he has many of them, but his probably most famous is The Five Love Languages. It has sold upwards of six million copies, translated into four languages, and has been on the number one spot of the New York Times best seller list and on many other best seller lists. It’s a pleasure to have Gary from North Carolina today. Gary, welcome. How are you?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, thank you Jason. It’s good to be with you. I am doing great.

Jason Hartman: Good, good. So tell us about the five love languages, and we want to hear from the perspective of people looking for a relationship, and people in a relationship as well. I know you’ve got The Five Love Languages for Singles, you’ve got a new book about what people should have known or wished they’d known before getting married and so forth, but start wherever you like Gary.

Dr. Gary Chapman: What I discovered years ago in counseling is that what makes one person feel loved doesn’t necessarily make another person feel loved. So they would sit in my office, husband and wife. She would say, “I just feel like he doesn’t love me” and he would say, “I don’t know what else to do. I do this, and this and this and she doesn’t feel loved.” So he was sincere, he was loving her, she didn’t get it. And I realized that people were hearing each other.

I kept hearing these similar stories over and over again and I knew there was a pattern, I just didn’t know what it was. So I went through about twelve years of my counseling notes and asked myself, when someone sat in my office, I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me, what did they want? What were they complaining about? And their answers fell into five categories and I later called them the five love languages. And I’ve started sharing that in small groups and then I started sharing it in my counseling that we each have a different love language and you have to learn to speak the other person’s language.

After about five years of using that in small groups and counseling, I decided to write the book. Because I knew that it would help people learn how to connect with each other emotionally. And then I was thinking primarily in the marriage relationship, and the original book does say it’s addressed to married couples. But I had a lot of singles say, you know I know you wrote that book for couples but I read it and it helped me in all of my relationships. Why don’t you write one for singles? So that’s how the singles addition was born. Because I do think that this applies in all human relationships.

Jason Hartman: Yeah, and you even addressed dealing with your children, probably your friends, everything, right? The five languages apply in intimate relationships and non-intimate relationships too, right?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, you know Jason, let’s face it. The deepest emotional need we have is the need to feel loved. Everybody wants to feel loved by the significant people in their lives. If you do feel loved, life is beautiful. If you don’t feel loved, life can be very complex. So whether you’re talking about a parent/child relationship, or whether you’re talking about a dating relationship or married relationship, learning how to communicate love in a language the other person will feel. It’s meeting that emotional need for love. That’s what this book is all about. That’s why I think this book has been so successful.

Jason Hartman: You know, Gary, I can’t help but kind of make the connection here. All of the listeners of course know what the golden rule is, hopefully they practice the golden rule but I had Tony Alessandra on one of my shows and you probably know his work. He talks about the platinum rule. And that is treating people the way they want to be treated. And I think that ties in pretty well with the five love languages doesn’t it? Because you’ve got to communicate with the person on their own preference, their own modality, right?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yes, that’s exactly right Jason. Typically we speak our own language. Whatever makes me feel loved is what I’m going to do for the other person. But if that’s not their language it won’t mean to them what it would mean to me. So let’s say that my language is words of affirmation, and what I want to hear my wife say is I love you, you’re wonderful, I appreciate what you did, all these positive things. So that’s what I do for her. Because it makes me feel loved. But her language may be acts of service, doing things for her. So here I am giving her all these words, and after a while she’s going to say to me, you know you keep saying I love you, I love you. I’m kind of sick of the words. If you love me why don’t you do something to help me?

Jason Hartman: She wants you to show it to her, right?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Absolutely, and I’m blown away. I was loving the woman! What’s wrong?

Jason Hartman: You can’t figure out why she’s upset. Makes sense. Well, you just told us two of the five languages. What are the other three?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Receiving gifts, universal to receive gifts as an expression of love. My academic background is anthropology, especially cultural anthropology. We’ve never discovered a culture where gift giving was not an expression of love. So giving gifts and receiving gifts. Then quality time. Giving the person your undivided attention. I’m not talking about sitting in the same room watching television. TV is off, you’re looking at each other, you’re interacting, you’re sharing, you’re listening. Quality time where they have your undivided attention. And then number five is physical touch. And we’ve long known the emotional power of physical touch. And in every culture there are appropriate touches between males and females, whether they’re married or whether they’re single. And it’s physical touch that communicated love to some people. This is their primary language.

Jason Hartman: I love the way Denis Waitley says that. He says, “Touch is the magic wand of intimacy.” So that’s definitely important. How do we discover what someone else’s language is? You don’t just ask them, do you? Or what is the best way to go about that?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well if you are discussing the topic with them and they’re open, you can go online and take a little quiz or they can go online and take a little quiz, then it will tell them and they can tell you. That’s one way, and that would be at But another way, there’s two or three other clues. One is you observe their behavior. How do they respond to other people? If they’re always, when they greet people giving them a pat on the back or a hug, then physical touch is probably their language. If they’re speaking that to others on a regular basis, it’s probably what they want. If they’re always giving encouraging words to people, then words of affirmation is probably their language. So observe their behavior.

Secondly, what do they complain about most often? The wife who says to the husband, “We don’t ever spend any time together. We’re like two ships passing in the night!” She’s saying quality time is my love language and I’m not getting it from you. So what are they complaining about? If he says to her, “I don’t think you would ever touch me if I didn’t initiate it.” He’s telling her that physical touch is his love language. So listen to the complaints and then thirdly, what do they request of you most often? If they’re saying periodically, could we take a walk after dinner? Or do you think we could get a weekend away? They’re asking you for quality time. If you put those three together Jason, you’ll very likely find out the other person’s primary love language.

Jason Hartman: Good point. Let’s actually kind of put it in reverse here and go maybe in chronological order. What’s the title of your new book, Gary?

Dr. Gary Chapman: My new book is Things I Wish I’d Known Before we Got Married.

Jason Hartman: Okay, perfect. I want to talk about that and you have another book, The Five Love Languages for Singles. Let’s start with the single person looking for a relationship, and then we’ll tie it back into being in a relationship as you were just now. How do singles use your body of work? Whether it be the things they wish they knew, or the five love languages?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well this most recent book, Things I wish I’d Known Before we got Married, I really wrote that to singles in all categories whether they’re dating or whether they’re engaged or whether they’re just hoping to find someone they can relate to. What I’m saying to them is if you think that someday you will get married, now is the time to prepare for marriage. Don’t wait until you are engaged and then say oh we have to get ready for marriage. No, get ready for marriage now. And I’m sharing in that book twelve things that had I known these things, it would have made my life much easier in the early days of my marriage. So I’m trying to say to singles, why don’t you learn from my mistakes? Here’s some things that can help you.

For example, one of the things I talk about in that book is I wish I’d known that falling in love or being in love is not an adequate foundation for marriage. And the reason I say that is, the experience that we typically call falling in love is temporary. It has an average lifespan of two years. You will come down off the high, and that’s when all the other things that you ignored that your friends told you about, your mother said honey, have you considered he hasn’t had a steady job in five years? And you said mama, give him a break. He’s just waiting for the right opportunity. But when you come down off the high, you’re going to start thinking mother was right. He’s lazy.

So I wish I’d known that before I got married. Because when I came down off the high, not very long after we got married, I was frustrated. I didn’t realize that I was going to come down. And when I came down, I thought oh man. And I realized there were things about her that irritated me, and we ended up arguing with each other and it wasn’t a very pretty picture. And I wish I’d been prepared for that. I wish I’d known that there’s two stages of romantic love. One is the in love experience, at which the emotions push you along, and then there’s the more intentional stage which we’re talking about today in the five love languages where you have to learn how to keep emotional love alive by speaking each other’s love language.

So for singles, I would say if you can acquaint yourself with this love language concept, and then read this book on things I wish I’d known, I think it’ll give you ideas on what you need to be talking about when you do get in a dating relationship, or if you’re already in a dating relationship it will give you an idea of the kind of topics the two of you need to discuss and the issues and things you need to learn on the road to getting married.

Jason Hartman: Very good points. With that, any more about how someone discovers it, or discovers those things in a partner? Is this a disqualifier in any sense, Gary? Or is it just a better relating tool? Or do sometimes you find that maybe a couple doesn’t relate? People have their different languages and so forth, but do they ever just not work in your eyes? Or can any relationship work if it’s worked at?

Dr. Gary Chapman: I don’t think so. Now obviously, if their number one, that is their primary love language, their number one out of the five is your number five, that is it means almost nothing to you. Then you will have a learning curve. But the good news is you can learn to speak these languages. Let’s face it. Most of us did not grow up hearing and speaking these five languages. We perhaps learned one or two of them and that’s what we speak. And so let’s say if words of affirmation did not come easily to you, you didn’t receive a lot of words of affirmation, you’re not motivated to do that, it’s just very meaningless to you. And then you find out that the person that you’re dating or the person that you’ve married, that that’s their primary language.

Well, you’re going to have to work at it. It’s going to be a learning curve. I usually suggest to get yourself a notebook, start writing down things you admire about the person, things you like about them, listen to other people as they share comments and you hear those comments. Maybe when you read a book or listen to television and so forth, write down positive statements you hear people say. Stand in front of the mirror, read those things out loud so you hear yourself saying them, pick out one of them, walk in the room where they are and say it. You break the silence. And the second time it’s easier, the third time it’s easier. You can learn to speak words of affirmation even if you didn’t grow up receiving that love language.

Jason Hartman: What is the love tank?

Dr. Gary Chapman: I use that concept simply to give people a visual image. An automobile has a gasoline tank and if the gasoline tank is full, it’s going to operate fine. If the gasoline tank is empty, the car’s not going to operate. And I like to say that we have an emotional love tank. And if the love tank is full, that is we genuinely feel loved by the other person, the relationship moves along in a positive way. But if the love tank is empty, you don’t feel loved by that person, then the relationship begins to get shaky. And eventually if you don’t do anything about it the relationship will die. Because if a relationship does not have a sense of love or measure of emotional love, the relationship goes downhill.

Jason Hartman: My ex-girlfriend Lyn is the person who actually introduced me to your work, about two years ago maybe. And I believe we mentioned something Gary, about a timeframe of two years. What was that about? Was she correct in mentioning that?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yes, it’s based on research that was done by Dorothy Tennov of Bridgeport, Connecticut. She did a long term study on the in-love experience. That is this euphoric stage of a love relationship where you see the person as just being absolutely incredibly wonderful and you don’t see the negative things that are there, you’re just pushed along by these euphoric emotions. It’s something that you’ve never felt before or you’ve seldom felt before, and you just know that you’re going to be happy if you can be with this person forever. We call it falling in love or being in love. Her study indicated that the average lifespan of that heightened emotion is two years.

So consequently, most people date at least two years before they get married. So when they get married, or rather soon after they get married, they tend to come down off the high. Now some people blame marriage on that.

Jason Hartman: Honeymoon is over!

Dr. Gary Chapman: It has nothing to do with whether you get married or you don’t get married. You will come down off the high whether you marry or whether you don’t marry. So that’s what she was talking about. And that’s why, here’s what happens Jason, a lot of times in the dating relationship. A couple will be attracted to each other, they start dating, they become obsessed with each other, they feel loved by each other, and things just go along really wonderful. And then the two years pass and they begin to come down off the high, and they don’t have those feelings, and they start thinking well, maybe this is not the right one for me. I don’t feel like I used to feel.

Well, if you understand this you know that what’s happening is very natural and very normal. Now what happens most of the time when people don’t understand this, they bail out on that relationship. They get out of that relationship. Whereas, they may have really been good for each other. They may have really been a good match for each other but they made the decision to break off the relationship because they lost the love feelings. Had they learned the love language concept, spoken each other’s language, then they would keep emotional love alive and they could make their decision to marry or not to marry based on other issues in the relationship.

Do we have enough in common intellectually, emotionally, socially, all those things, to really build a marriage? So I think if singles understand this, it will help them assess their dating relationships.

Jason Hartman: Yeah, makes a lot of sense. So that two year point, it’s a recommendation then that says don’t get married before two years? Is that what you’re saying?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well I wouldn’t say that necessarily, but I would say that you’re far more likely to make a wise decision if you have come down off the high. Because then you recognize some of their weaknesses as well as their strengths and you can work on those things. But when you’re in that euphoria you think, well we don’t have anything to work on. It’s just perfect. In fact, I had a lady say to me, she was engaged and she was in the euphoria and she asked me what I did, and I said I do marriage seminars. She said what’s that? I said well, I help people work on their marriage. And she said what do you have to work on? If you’re in love…

Jason Hartman: It’s all just easy, right?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah. And that’s the way you feel when you’re in love. There’s nothing to work on.

Jason Hartman: Yeah, that wears off eventually and it gets down to a realistic relationship, exactly. One of the things, you talk about the five languages but one of them in particular, words of affirmation, since that one involves words, it has some different dialects to it, doesn’t it Gary?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, it can be words that focus for example, on their personality. One of the things I like about you is you’re so optimistic. I tend to be pessimistic, you’re saying to this person. Obviously, it needs to be a true statement, but it can focus on their personality, it can focus on the way they look, it can focus on something they did for you, it can be encouraging words. They express to you a desire to do something and they’re a little fearful of doing it and you say, it’s up to you of course to decide what you’d like to do, but just observing you I think that if you really want to do that, you would be a success at it. Because I see a lot of qualities in you that would really equip you to do that. It’s encouraging them to do something that they need a little more courage to do. Or it can be words of praise, where you’re praising them for something they have done.

So I use the word dialect trying to communicate that within each of these languages there are different ways and nuances of expressing them. It’s very similar, Jason, to spoken language. Everyone grows up speaking a language with a dialect. I grew up speaking English, southern style.

Jason Hartman: And we can hear it!

Dr. Gary Chapman: You can hear it! Everyone grows up speaking a language and a dialect, and that’s the one you understand best. And the same thing is true with love.

Jason Hartman: No question about it. Of the five languages are certain of the five easier to learn than others?

Dr. Gary Chapman: I think, not necessarily across the board, but for an individual one of them might be more difficult than the others. If you never received quality time growing up, your parents never really spent any one on one time with you, you were just a part of the family, you were kind of lost in the crowd, they were focused on themselves. Then, sitting down and having an in depth conversation with somebody may be difficult for you. Because you didn’t grow up having those kind of conversations, so it would be difficult for you. Whereas another person, if they got a lot of quality time, it’s natural for them. It’s not difficult for them. So it depends on the individual as to which of these you might find to be more difficult to speak. But the good news is that you can learn to speak any one of the five.

Jason Hartman: What would you say is, and I certainly don’t mean this in any sort of non-appreciative way when I say this, but this seems pretty simple really. What’s the big deal about it? Is it just one of these things that’s so beautifully simple but just needs to be practiced? Not everything great in life is complicated. Or is there sort of a big ah-ha here, in this book or in your work in general that is a real take home you want to make sure people get?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well Jason, I think you’re exactly right. It’s a very simple concept, but when you practice it, that is when you discover the person’s love language, you start speaking it on a regular basis, they discover your language, and start speaking it on a regular basis, it radically changes the emotional climate of the relationship. Almost every Saturday when I do marriage seminars, I’ll have half a dozen couples come up and say we just want to tell you that we were having real struggles in our marriage, someone gave us your book on the five love languages and it actually saved our marriage. It really makes the difference because we all need to feel loved. And especially in the early stages of a marriage, we are loving each other. We’re making real efforts to reach out to each other but we’re not always connecting. And when we spend our energy speaking the right language, we connect. So it’s a simple concept, it doesn’t help you if you don’t apply it, but if you apply it, it really changes the emotional climate of the relationship.

Jason Hartman: Talking just for a moment here about some more of the nuances as we were, are certain stereotypes effecting people’s ability to implement any of the five languages? For example, acts of service. Speaking acts of services. Are there stereotypes that people filter things through that make it difficult for them?

Dr. Gary Chapman: I think that may be true, Jason. For example, a man said to me after he had read the book and he discovered that his wife’s language was acts of service. He said to me, I found out that her language is acts of service. And she wants me to wash dishes, and vacuum floors, and take out the garbage, and he said a couple of other things. He said, I’ll just be honest with you. He said, if it’s going to take that for her to feel loved, you can forget it. Now, you understand what he was saying? I’ve got the information, I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not going to do that.

Now, it may well be that stereotypes of what men are supposed to do and what women are supposed to do, was behind that statement. Maybe he grew up in a home where his father did not vacuum floors, his father did not wash dishes, his father did not take out garbage, and he communicated that to his son either verbally or by his model that men don’t do those things. So he may have been influenced by a stereotype of what a male is supposed to do, and that may have been behind his decision. There may have been other issues as well, but I do think that there are certain stereotypes that people may have as to what men do and women do that may hinder them from moving down the road to express love in that language.

Jason Hartman: You have been writing for a long time, and you’ve just got a giant body of work. Tell us about some of your other works. As I look at your list of titles, it is pretty comprehensive here. You’ve got a lot of work, Gary. Talk about some of your other works, if you would.

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, one of the books I wrote was on anger and it’s another one of my very popular books. Because I think a lot of people misunderstand anger and they don’t know how to handle anger. And they simply operate on the model that they had in their mom and dad. If their dad yelled and screamed in anger, then he probably is going to yell and scream in anger. If his mother in anger would clam up and walk away and not say anything , and not discuss whatever stimulated the anger, then that’s probably what she or he’s going to do.

So we all grew up with a model of how our parents handled anger. And let’s face it, we don’t get a whole lot of training in our culture on how to handle anger. We see a lot of mismanaged anger.

Jason Hartman: We see a lot of bad examples. That’s exactly what I was going to say, especially on television.

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, absolutely. So that book has been very, very popular. I talk about the origin of anger. Why do we get angry? I think it’s because we have a sense of right, all of us have a sense of right, that people shouldn’t do that, people shouldn’t do this. And whenever we’re treated wrongly or unfairly in our minds, then we experience anger. Anger is the response to being treated wrongly or unfairly. And then in the book I deal with techniques on how to slow down the process of response. Don’t simply do the first thing that comes to mind. My mother taught me growing up, when you get angry count to ten before you do anything.

Jason Hartman: Yeah, take a deep breath or whatever, yeah.

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, good advice. Only I would suggest you count to a hundred or a thousand. Leave a little more time to cool down. In fact, what one lady told me, she said what I do when I get angry is I go water my flowers until I cool down. She said the first summer I tried that, I almost drown my petunias. But learning how to process anger in a positive way. And the flip side of that also dealt with in the book is how to respond to an angry person. It may be your teenager, it may be a next door neighbor, it may be your spouse, it may be your boyfriend or girlfriend who’s angry and they’re coming at you in a rather harsh way and loud way perhaps. How do you respond to them? See the typical response is that we respond in a similar way, we mirror their behavior. If they’re yelling at us, we start yelling at them.

But I deal with a pattern. The first step is you listen. No matter how they’re delivering the message, you listen to that they’re saying. The second step is you listen. Because you didn’t get it all the first time.

Jason Hartman: Right, listen twice.

Dr. Gary Chapman: So I think I hear you saying you’re mad because blank, and they say well that’s part of it. And the third step is you listen. So you listen at least three times before you say anything. And then you say to them something similar to, I think I understand what you’re saying and if I were in your shoes I’m sure I would be angry too. Wow, you’re no longer their enemy. You’re now their friend.

Jason Hartman: That’s a pretty diffusing statement. It’s hard to remain upset if someone says that to you.

Dr. Gary Chapman: So yeah, that book has been very popular. Another book is called The Four Seasons of Marriage.

Jason Hartman: I was just going to ask you about that one. I’m particularly interested in some of the bullet points on that. The unique characteristics found in each season, seven strategies for making the most of each season… tell us more about that one.

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well it’s not the idea that most people think. When I say the four seasons they say okay, well you get married in spring, and if you live long enough you get to winter. But what I do is I use the seasons to describe the quality of a marriage. A winter marriage, it’s very cold. We’re isolated. We’re like an igloo. And there’s either no communication or it’s very harsh communication. We speak of bitter winters, or harsh winters.

A summer marriage is relaxed, it’s laid back. You’ve learned how to resolve conflicts, you’ve learned how to accept some things about each other that you don’t particularly like but you know they’re not going to change so you accept them. Summer marriages are people who go to marriage seminars, they read books on marriage, they know you have to continue to water the flowers if you want the marriage to continue to bloom.

And then the fall marriage, here in North Carolina the fall is beautiful. The leaves are all colors, it’s just incredibly beautiful. But the reality is in about six weeks the leaves are going to fall off the trees. So in a fall marriage, it looks good from the outside. People would say isn’t that a nice couple? But we know that things aren’t going well, and if we don’t do something the leaves are going to fall off and everybody’s going to know that we’re not doing well.

So after I describe that and help people locate where they are, and it’s not a-typical that a wife would say we’re in winter and a husband would say we’re in spring or fall. They have different perceptions on where they are. But then I deal with seven strategies for spending more time in spring and summer. And one of those first strategies is being able to deal with past failures. To be honest and say, to be honest with you I haven’t done a good job and I know that our relationship is not what it should be, and I know that a lot of it is my fault. And here are some things that I know specifically where I have failed, and I really would like to ask if you would be open to forgiving me and then help me learn how I can be a better partner in this relationship.

And I give some other strategies. But that book has been very helpful. In fact, I’ve had a lot of people say to me, two of your books changed our marriage. One was the five love languages, and the other one was the four seasons or marriage.

Jason Hartman: And I tell you Gary, of course you’ve probably seen many of your revues, not all of them, but if you look on Amazon, any of the listeners, and see the revues there are all kinds of people saying that your books have saved their marriage and just helped them grow in their relationships and so forth. So just congratulations on just such an impactful body of work that you have with all of this. You mentioned earlier that someone can take a little quiz to discover their primary love language, and maybe that of their spouse as well or their significant other. Where can they do that? On your website?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yes, You can spell out the word five or you can put in the number five. And you can take that quiz. It’s a free quiz. It can be a good communication tool. If you take it, you challenge your spouse to take it or your significant other to take it, and then the two of you sit down and share with each other how it turned out. And talk about whether you agree with it or not. It’s possible you might disagree with the quiz, but at least it will give you a starting point to open this topic and discuss it with the other person.

Jason Hartman: Fantastic. What else would you like the listeners to know, just in wrapping things up?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Well I think for singles I’d like to say what I said earlier, and that is now is the time to prepare for a good marriage. You may not even be dating, or maybe you just started dating two months ago, or maybe you’re even thinking about getting married. But wherever you are in the journey, this is the time to be preparing for marriage. And I really think you’ll find some practical help in my book, Things I wish I’d Known Before we got Married. I think Jason, if a couple will go through that book, read the chapters, discuss the issues with each other, they’re going to be better prepared than 90% of the couples are when they go into marriage.

And if you’re already married and have not read The Five Love Languages, I would really, really encourage you to read The Five Love Languages. I think today we’ve given them the core idea, but as you read it and get all of the real life illustrations, I think you will be able to get hold of it, go home and discuss it with your spouse. Or if you’re in a dating relationship, discuss it with them. And I think you’re going to find that that’s going to be very helpful in all of your relationships.

Jason Hartman: Excellent. Dr. Gary Chapman, thank you so much for joining us today. We appreciate the insights, and keep up the good work. At there’s a list of many of your books, and there are quite a lot of them, so many subjects we didn’t have time to discuss today and there’s a lot more depth there as well, and certainly listeners take that quiz and check it out. And do you want to mention anything about your live events?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, they can find those at and they can even register online as well. I would just mention this Jason: I have a new book coming out that takes this love language concept to the workplace. It’s called The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, and I wrote it with Dr. Paul White, a psychologist, and we think that book is going to do for the workplace relationships what the Five Love Languages has done for marriage relationships. I’m really excited about that one.

Jason Hartman: Yeah, that’s great. And with the tough economy we have nowadays, I think that will be very helpful for people in their business and work life as well. Well Gary Chapman, again thank you so much. Appreciate having you on the show today!

Dr. Gary Chapman: Thanks Jason. Good to be with you. I appreciate what you’re doing.

Narrator: The American Monetary Association is a nonprofit venture funded by the Jason Hartman Foundation which is dedicated to educating people about the practical effects of monetary policy and government actions on inflation, deflation and personal freedom. Our goal is to help people prosper in the midst of uncertain economic times. This show is produced by The Jason Hartman Foundation, all rights reserved. For publication rights and media interviews, please visit or email [email protected] Nothing on this show should be considered specific personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate professional if you require individualized advice. Opinions of guests are their own and the host is acting on behalf of The Jason Hartman Foundation exclusively.

The American Monetary Association Team

Transcribed by Ralph

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